Chick Confessions

A Room with a View...BANNED?

2009-05-09T08:57:00.011-04:00

Here it is, a scene from my favorite movie from my high school senior year. I think that this is the film that got me hooked on all those period romance films where love is what it should be, and never is in real life. This is A Room with a View, but there have been others, I can remember my mother watching films like this when I was just a little girl. She used to watch Little Women, Rebecca, Pride and Prejudice, Tess, there are too many to mention.

These films not only bring back memories of time spent with my mom, they also seemed at the time to be what love and romance would be like when I grew up.

I have always struggled with whether we women should let our girls watch these romances. It is a double edged sword; While watching them one has a feeling of exhilaration at the thought of such a life's love, and at the same time, we as adults know that the relationship is not realistic. Little girls, on the other hand, don't have the experience to know that this kind of happiness just doesn't happen in real life as it does in these films; thus leaving us disappointed as grown women when our love interest falls short of Mr. Darcy in Price and Prejudice.

We women also have to ask ourselves if watching these romances sets our lovers up for certain failure. My experience has been that men seldom enjoy watching these chick flicks (unless they are gay) so therefore, how would they even know what we are expecting from romance, in essence, they are the ones who have been "set up"!!!!

So Chicks, what do you think, should our little girls be watching these romantic interludes or should they have to wait until they have some real life points of reference so that they understand that what they watch and what they feel in real life romance may be entirely different experiences??? Let's hear from you.

Looking at my Friend...Looking in the Mirror

2009-05-01T20:02:00.008-04:00

Recently I had lunch with a good friend to whom I had confided some of my secrets and life's challenges, only to see the same sadness and pain staring back at me across the table from her eyes. It troubled me to see her this way as I know all too well what that feels like. When I looked at her I saw myself and realized that the decisions I am making are right for me.

I think back to the women we were years ago, and I am mourning the loss of laughter, carefree thoughts and lust for life's promises to come. The hope and the fun and the excitement of moving from girls to women brought with it it's own set of challenges...but still there was anticipation for what we would make of our lives ahead.

Now it is not as simple, we have made our way, chosen our life's path and are now at a crossroads. I have chosen to start over, although that is easier said than done, it is a decision whose time has come. This is not to say that a decision like this is right for all, I may even grow to regret this choice. But, sadness is a state that I can not remain in, it has taken over everything that made me who I am. I am hoping to come out of this with some remnant of who I used to be...we will see about that as only time will tell.

As for my friend, I wish for her the same thing I wish for myself; peace and happiness with whatever direction her life takes, but most of all I hope for the lust for life to return to her eyes and for the tears and sadness to subside. Love you K and I hope we will be friends forever!

Where is the line between secrecy and privacy?

2009-04-10T10:01:00.002-04:00

Here's one for ya, chicks...Where is the line between privacy and secrets? I'm struggling with this problem with my current boyfriend. I find myself suspicious every time he's not with me (except when he's at work), that he's not where he says he is. I don't think he's doing anything wrong, but whenever I confront him, he gets mad and it's really effecting our communication right now. He says he's a private person (which I know is true), but I tell him everything and think that he should do the same. I think I may be wrong on this one. What do you think, chicks? PS: he's Italian, and anyone who has dated an Italian man, knows they are a special kind of wierd mixture of little boy, Valentino, and sexpot. I'll post more on my observations on Italian men later....

Forgiveness....or Not?

2009-04-03T13:53:00.006-04:00

My inability to forgive is going to cost me dearly and I really don't care to do anything to change that. For over 2 years now I have held onto something that is interfering with my ability to move on with my life, my relationships and my happiness. It has become clear to me that I do not want to do anything to fix that I just want to start a clean slate.

Any suggestions regarding the forgiveness process if it just seems impossible?

I'm an Addict!

2009-03-04T18:58:00.008-05:00

I have to confess. I am addicted to one particular activity.

One of my most favorite activities is terrifying my two young children. I don't know where this bizarre obsession began, but I have a sneaky suspicion that somewhere along the path of my childhood, I was scarred by a similar experience.

The process of terrifying my daughters comes in a variety of forms. The first form would be the typical Zombie Game. This is a variation on hide-and-go-seek, where I hide and allow the girls to find me. When they finally find me, however, I have turned into a child-eating zombie, complete with scary hair, various humps, and a threatening voice.

I'm also a big fan of re-enacting their scary dreams. For example, child number two wakes up and claims to have had a scary dream. I begin to ask her about it. Most recently she told me about her dream that had scary music, and then there was a scary monster. Very compassionately I replied, "Oh, so the music went like this? (Insert scary sounding hums and such.) And the scary monster looked like this? (Insert scary looking face and weird hand gestures.)" Then, the look of panic overcomes her face and I begin to laugh hysterically.

Just last night I was cuddling in bed with my younger daughter and she asked me to tell a story. She clearly knows the type of stories I tell, because she specified, "Make it a nice one. Please, Mommy?" How could I resist? I proceeded to tell her the story of the mommy who fell asleep, cuddling next to her daughter, and gradually parts of her body started to change. At first her toe turned into a claw, then her arms changed into scaly wings, and in the morning the little girl woke up next to... You get the picture!

It is at this particular moment, when they clearly cross the threshold to fear, that makes me burst out into laughter. There is a moment of panic that comes across their faces. There is a worry in their eyes, as if to say, "Oh no! Mommy has turned into that scary monster after all." I fear that the fact that I can barely control my laughter only contributes to the delirium.

I'm just wondering, are there other people who get the same charge out of terrifying our children? Is it just my warped sense of humor?

At least I'll make their money spent on therapy well worth it!

What gives anyone the right?

2009-02-22T16:58:00.006-05:00

Okay, I admit it. I watch too much TV. I'm a news junkie as well as a program watcher. So, almost everything I hear about is from TV - Octo-mom, fat (yeah, right!) Jessica Simpson, Oprah's gained 40 lbs and is as mad as hell, and they finally believe they've found Shandra Levy's murderer and it's not the senator. Not all the news is good, not all of it is relevant. Most of it is insipid in fact. But damn, I want to know who deemed Jessica Simpson fat? Was it a man? I hope it wasn't a woman - anyone know? I want to know who said it because while I don't give a rat's ass about Jessica Simpson, I care about who makes those proclamations. I would kill to have her allegedly "fat" sized 7-8 body. What message are we sending young girls/women when a sexy, gorgeous woman is declared FAT by some publicity hungry A-hole? I know this isn't a new issue but it is really pissing me off. It is a silly issue that really has little importance in our everyday life. But when did those stick chicks become chic and everyone over 98 pounds has been determined to be zaftig? Obesity is a serious health issue, agreed, but things have gone too far. I'm glad I'm not a 20 year old today. Life is stressful enough without having to live up to societal standards of who is fat and who is not. (Yikes - maybe I need to stop watching TV, get off my own really fat ass and work out more!!)

Help!!! I'm a Young Woman Trapped in Old Lady Underwear!!!!

2009-02-18T21:11:00.021-05:00

And if I am stuck in this damn corset...is my private life out of style as well? This question had recently been brought to my attention at a dinner party with a few friends.

One of these said friends indicated that she is going to have a party at her house and it not going be like your mother's tupperware parties! Essentially women will have the chance to order all kinds of modern items guaranteed to improve their underwear collection as well as the activities that happen beneath them....if you know what I mean.

I took a look at the catalog that she intends to present at this party and I wondered....who would order this stuff? Better yet, who would order it in a room full of other women and...how did they know what to do with some of these obscure looking devices! Ouch, that end goes where? Then where the hell does the other end go? LOL x2!

When I expressed this concern to several friends, it was made clear to me that I may have old lady underwear and old lady perceptions about modern sexuality to boot! One of my friends explained to me that she was recently at one of these toy parties with "girl next door" women who were ordering pages of these products to enhance their lives. While I applaud how far we have come as women, I honestly had no clue that these kinds of parties had replaced the Avon Lady!

Gee...What ever happened to good old fashioned hot fudge and whipped cream?

Why Not Spill the Beans?

2009-01-23T16:04:00.010-05:00

We all have secrets. Lots of them. Some we never tell anyone, even our closest friends. We'd like to invite you to share yours with us. We promise we won't tell.

Believe me, you will feel so much better if you get that secret off your chest!

Anonymous comments are welcome!

"You get more bees with honey!"

2009-01-22T11:43:00.006-05:00

I've just discovered that an old addage is very true. "You get more bees with honey than vinegar."
I have had the same long-term problem in my relationship - no need to get into details, but I was desperately trying to change his way of thinking about things.
I yelled, called him names, kicked him out several times, pleaded, cried, silent treatment - nothing worked.
Then one day, I just decided that I love him, faults included, and started acting like I loved him again - guess what?
Without me reminding, scolding, nagging - he's responding positively all on his own and changing the behavior without me having to say anything!
Goes to show - no matter how old you are - your grandmothers sayings are still true. God, I wish I would have listened better when I was younger - would have saved myself alot of grief.
Thought I'd share that - it was quite a revelation....

The Day the Music Died.....

2009-01-19T15:18:00.003-05:00

By popular demand I have taken down the music....Happy Chicks?

Any suggestions for the next poll?

8? 9? 10? 2 Many 2 Count!

2009-01-17T08:28:00.012-05:00

So a good friend and I were discussing past relationships and the topic turned once again to sex....specifically the number of lovers we each had in the past. Even though I have only had a few serious relationships, I really had not thought of adding them up.

I guess there are those people who keep track of these encounters. I am not one of those people. I keep track of the places I have visited throughout my life not the people I have done. So now we are curious...do you keep track of your lovers? What are your thoughts on this topic?

Do you Kiss and Tell?

2009-01-06T18:52:00.011-05:00

Over the years there have been times when I just wanted to spill my secrets to my close friends, but I have resisted. I have friends who are very comfortable talking about such escapades and part of me admires their confidence to speak so openly.

Another part of me feels as if a betrayal is happening...a lover puts himself out there in (a relationship, one night stand or FWB) for better of for worse. Is it the expectation that these encounters are now to be shared with all of her friends? Some of my romantic secrets with men who have long evacuated my life still remain buried. I am dying to know when and if it is okay to kiss and tell?

Two Times Twenty is...FORTY!

2008-12-08T21:04:00.002-05:00

So I know twice as much now as I did then. And I wouldn't go back for anything. Everything that happened in my twenties got me to where I am now. If I had chosen either of the boyfriends I had back then as husbands, I would be in big trouble (as would they). I was not ready then to spend my entire life with one person and frankly, I may never be. The things I thought were so important then turned out to be the least important to me now. I would like to think that I would choose oh so much more wisely now than I ever would have at that age. I still believe in love, romance and happiness, it's just that the definition of those have changed.

The Kiss...Take Two!

2008-12-06T07:44:00.003-05:00

I know it has been said before, but if we could start our dating years over armed with knowledge we have gained from the romantic encounters we have had....would we change anything?

I selected this photo because at one point in my life it was my favorite. I first saw it in a photo shop in Rochester where I was shopping with the then "love of my life." He bought it for me. Well, I held onto the picture, but the relationship was doomed.

I truly loved this photo because it looked like the world went by while all that truly mattered was the two lovers and their connection to each other. I realize now that this photo could be seen a different way. If you look at the people around this couple, they seem to be hurrying away. Were they trying to tell me something then that only time and experience would bring me later?

What would you do if you, armed with the knowledge you have today, were placed back into the twentysomething dating scene?

Let's hear it chicks!

Happily Never After?

2008-12-02T11:17:00.005-05:00

Here's a big confession. I was watching a movie the other night with my two daughters. It was a Christmas movie. (I'm too embarrassed to even tell you the title. That's not part of the confession. Trust me, it was completely corny.) In this particular movie there was a family consisting of a mother, father, and son. It was a completely "intact" family.* The mother, however, was dying.

I am a sucker for Lifetime movies. Granted, I don't get cable TV, so I'm limited to my usual DVD tearjerkers. But, I love a good cry like the next sappy woman. This movie was right up my alley.

What made me cry? When the mother was dying, her husband looked at her and held her in a way that only true love can demonstrate. It was at that moment that it dawned on me. When I'm nearing the end, will there be someone looking at me and holding me with all of the love in their heart and soul?

My confession: I want that. As independent as I am, I want that person in my life who loves me with an undying passion. I long for that person who doesn't just love me, but is in love with me. I'm not expecting it immediately, but eventually would be nice.

*For those of you who don't know me, I am a single mother of two daughters. I have been single since they were 11 months old and just 4 years old. They are nearly 6 and 9 now. This is necessary background information in order to get where I'm coming from.

Cinderella Envy

2008-11-12T07:43:00.008-05:00

Now that I'm sliding along the downhill side of my life as a single woman, I often think that Cinderella was one smart chick:

1. Catch a man, any man, even if he just stopped by to invite you to his party.

2. Get him to move you into his palace. This includes your mother and ugly stepsisters.

3. Don't work, even if you have live off his family.

4. Stick with him even if he becomes fat and sits in a big chair all day long.

5. Treat him like a king. Never speak your mind or ask for voting rights.

6. Arrange secret rendezvous with his younger, hotter subjects in the gardens.

What are we thinking? Is there such a thing as finding the perfect guy? Is having a career all it's cracked up to be? Do we really need independent financial security and our own portfolio? It's exhausting!

I often think that hooking up with Mr. Right Now in your twenties and sticking together for all eternity isn't so bad. It's a lot easier than being Ms. Independent. All it takes is some duct tape for your mouth and a belief that good enough might just be good enough. I must confess: Cinderella had one darn good recipe for living happily ever after.

Don't Cry Fowl....

2008-11-07T16:12:00.005-05:00

I am no chicken. The whole point in writing this blog post was to invite confessions. Which does not make me a chicken...When I confess, it will be with an anonymous comment without my name on it because as you know my husband and my mother read this blog. So again, I invite you to be the first to make a confession. To do this anonymously, don't sign in, and leave a comment as an anonymous reader and then you can truly say what you want without anyone knowing that you said it. Do you understand Guiness Girl or should I buy you another round!

You are Chicken!

2008-11-06T21:11:00.001-05:00

Why don't YOU confess? This is your idea! Let's hear it!

Who Will Be the First to Confess?

2008-11-06T18:18:00.011-05:00

C'mon Chicks, we all have something we have been dying to tell, a little secret, a confession or even just a random thought worth sharing. Now is your chance to get that confession off your chest with a post or an anonymous comment. If you just have that secret that you are dying to tell, this blog will be good for your sanity....who will be the first to confess? I dare you!